Press Releases & Updates 2007

Last year me and my friend Marcus decided to have some fun with some paint we found so we found a big white bridge near a place called ‘Faslane’ which looked like it needed some cheering up - we painted the words “Trident is Terrorism’ in great big letters and some peace signs on it and it really brightened it up all in black and red - then some banana people came to help but we had finished painting by then but they must have had something else to paint because they took our paint and went away. They must have liked our painting a lot because they invited us to the theatre to see a show they were in.

So I get into costume of 3 piece suit - red nose in pocket - and go to see the show in Helensburgh Court - on the way in I meet Marcus who is a fellow artist and we go and join the audience queuing to get in - it must be a very popular show - and inside a Kangaroo appears and starts jumping around on the stage - telling the audience that things are ‘Fine’ - she thinks things are so fine that she prices how fine everything is - £50 fine for having some cannabis - £150 fine for swearing at a banana - and we sit bemused waiting to go on stage ourselves - and the talking Kangaroo (who’s name is Dance!) gets us to sit on a special seat and there is a man in a wig who likes to whisper a lot and a woman called ‘Procurator Fiscal’ who forgot to change when she got out of bed - she’s wearing a big black sleeping gown and she looks very tired - maybe she is dressed up as a crow - but someone says that the Kangaroo is The Beak so I get confused and sit on the special seat all cosy next to Marcus and it is nice sitting next to him as we wait for the show - then Dance the Kangaroo asks us to be guilty or not - and I get embarrassed and put on my best guilty look though I play a game and say ‘not guilty’ and we go back to sit in the audience again and the show continues with a lot of people being made fine by Dance the Kangaroo - at the interval we go and sit in the sunshine by the sea and then go back for part two.

We are allowed to sit in the special seat again but the cast seem to have trouble remembering their lines because they do a lot of whispering before they ever say anything - then one after another two Bananas come and are told to swear but I’m glad they don’t actually say any bad words which might spoil the show and they might be made fine as well.

Dance the Kangaroo likes to talk very loud and I miss the plot but it’s still a good game as we play stand up sit down stand up sit down and I ask the first banana if we were friendly when we last met and Dance the Talking Kangaroo buts in and says I can only ask questions if she lets me so I have to guess what I can ask - it’s all very confusing so Marcus and I play the stand up sit down game a bit more - and I am told that I am ‘malicious’ for painting words on a bridge and I say no it was fun and mischievous but not ‘malicious’.

Then Marcus gets to stand behind a teachers desk thing and he says a lot of things about big bombs and painting and almost starts to cry and so do I but hold it in till after the show - Dance the Kangaroo leaps about her small stage playing at being angry and shouting a bit but I don’t know why - this must be a very serious play - then I am asked to say what I think of the play and the painting bit and I say some stuff about not being malicious but wanting a nice planet with lots of places to play in and not all wrecked by big bombs - then there’s lots more whispering and when she remembers her lines we play the stand up sit down game again then Dance the Kangaroo says she will make us fine for £250 each - I don’t have £250 so she says I can pay later but I don’t think I will as I didn’t feel that fine after seeing this show where everyone forgets their lines and has to whisper - and Dance the Kangaroo puts on her butch voice and says that we mustn’t do any more painting as it ‘defiles’ the lovely countryside but we only wanted to brighten up the bridge - I begin to think that this Kangaroo is no fun - she forgets her lines and likes to shout - then we ask to see the bill for someone else painting the bridge after us - they must have done a very good picture because they charged £1500! - and we did it for nothing because it was fun! I think perhaps we should put in a bill too but then decide that it was just fun but if they did pay us then I could afford to be fine and have enough over for everyone else in the theatre to be fine too - that would be great - well the Procurator Fiscal doesn’t have the bill and someone passes us a note that £1500 is ‘hearsay’ which sounds like a fun new game so Marcus says that we don’t want paying for painting the bridge as it was such fun but nor should anyone else who likes painting - then Dance the Talking Kangaroo says all right then painting should only be done for fun and she really tries to make us fine again but I feel a bit disappointed in the whole show so at the end we don’t clap or anything but just go out to play in the sunshine.

Major Pant-Sweat
Glasgow Kiss Brigade
CIRCA

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